Friday, May 14, 2004
Mayonnaise tastes like naked grandparents
My last entry on Survivor until September, I promise.
Rupert won a million dollars, which was good, but the whole exercise was strangely unsatisfying. I suspect that it was because the voters showed a great lack of appreciation for Survivor history, favouring moments and characters from recent seasons.
For example, the four most popular Survivors were apparently Rupert Boneham, Tom Buchanan, Rob Mariano, and Colby Donaldson. With the exception of Colby, who one can only assume made the grade on appearance alone, all three were contestants who made a signficant impact on All-Stars. Meanwhile, Rudy Boesch, the most popular contestant in Survivor history until Rupert came along, didn't make the grade.
Things were no better in the other categories. For example, the best fight of those options listed was either Alicia vs. Kimmi in the Outback, or Robb vs. Clay in Thailand. The voters, however, opted for the much lamer Rupert vs. Johnny Fairplay incident from the Pearl Islands. The best fight in Survivor history - Susan Hawk vs. Kelly Wigglesworth in Pulau Tiga - wasn't even listed as an option.
Greatest Survivor moment? Rupert stealing the shoes may well have been it, actually, so I really can't complain about this one. Likewise, it's hard to disagree with the selection of Johnny Fairplay as Survivor's greatest villain, but you'd at least have to give consideration to Richard Hatch (on a side note, the nominees inexplicably included the ultra villainous Mariano while including the perfectly innocent Rob Cesternino and Brian the Pron Star).
I'm in no position to dispute the selection of Colby as the Hottest Male Survivor of all time (though I voted for Gervase Peterson), but I sure have some thoughts on Sexiest Female Survivor. The selection of Amber Brkich is an absolute joke, since anybody who remembers Survivor Outback will remember that Amber was consistently overshadowed by Elisabeth Filarski. I happen to disagree with the widely held assessment that Elisabeth was sexier than Amber, but there is no question that a representative vote of true Survivor fans - fans who are familiar with seasons of Survivor other than All-Stars and Pearl Islands - would have seen Amber blown out of the water. All of this is moot, however, since the sexiest female Survivor of all time (and, with the possible exceptions of Helen of Troy and Polish pole-vaulter Monika Pyrek, the sexiest female of all-time) was Colleen Haskell.
Okay, now that I have finished lusting in a very public and undignified manner over Survivor contestants from seven seasons back (to say nothing of Polish pole-vaulters), it's time to move on to non-Survivor news:
1. Adam Knisely has started a blog. Being located at http://www.theinjuredcoast.com gives it all sorts of starting cred in my books.
2. I'm still unemployed, but things are looking up. Because I told them to.
3. I am undecided on my sentiments towards soy-based frozen desserts.
Eric Kierans tribute still to come, but probably not before a Joe Clark tribute. Maybe these should be tribute albums - I'll form an exploratory committee.
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My last entry on Survivor until September, I promise.
Rupert won a million dollars, which was good, but the whole exercise was strangely unsatisfying. I suspect that it was because the voters showed a great lack of appreciation for Survivor history, favouring moments and characters from recent seasons.
For example, the four most popular Survivors were apparently Rupert Boneham, Tom Buchanan, Rob Mariano, and Colby Donaldson. With the exception of Colby, who one can only assume made the grade on appearance alone, all three were contestants who made a signficant impact on All-Stars. Meanwhile, Rudy Boesch, the most popular contestant in Survivor history until Rupert came along, didn't make the grade.
Things were no better in the other categories. For example, the best fight of those options listed was either Alicia vs. Kimmi in the Outback, or Robb vs. Clay in Thailand. The voters, however, opted for the much lamer Rupert vs. Johnny Fairplay incident from the Pearl Islands. The best fight in Survivor history - Susan Hawk vs. Kelly Wigglesworth in Pulau Tiga - wasn't even listed as an option.
Greatest Survivor moment? Rupert stealing the shoes may well have been it, actually, so I really can't complain about this one. Likewise, it's hard to disagree with the selection of Johnny Fairplay as Survivor's greatest villain, but you'd at least have to give consideration to Richard Hatch (on a side note, the nominees inexplicably included the ultra villainous Mariano while including the perfectly innocent Rob Cesternino and Brian the Pron Star).
I'm in no position to dispute the selection of Colby as the Hottest Male Survivor of all time (though I voted for Gervase Peterson), but I sure have some thoughts on Sexiest Female Survivor. The selection of Amber Brkich is an absolute joke, since anybody who remembers Survivor Outback will remember that Amber was consistently overshadowed by Elisabeth Filarski. I happen to disagree with the widely held assessment that Elisabeth was sexier than Amber, but there is no question that a representative vote of true Survivor fans - fans who are familiar with seasons of Survivor other than All-Stars and Pearl Islands - would have seen Amber blown out of the water. All of this is moot, however, since the sexiest female Survivor of all time (and, with the possible exceptions of Helen of Troy and Polish pole-vaulter Monika Pyrek, the sexiest female of all-time) was Colleen Haskell.
Okay, now that I have finished lusting in a very public and undignified manner over Survivor contestants from seven seasons back (to say nothing of Polish pole-vaulters), it's time to move on to non-Survivor news:
1. Adam Knisely has started a blog. Being located at http://www.theinjuredcoast.com gives it all sorts of starting cred in my books.
2. I'm still unemployed, but things are looking up. Because I told them to.
3. I am undecided on my sentiments towards soy-based frozen desserts.
Eric Kierans tribute still to come, but probably not before a Joe Clark tribute. Maybe these should be tribute albums - I'll form an exploratory committee.
